plays-with-squirrels:

I don’t want you to think I’m doing this because I’m mad at you. I’m not. You trained me but it was the agency really. They took stuff from me and not just my name or my ability to ever contact my family again. I was young. I was fresh out of college. They made it sound fun. We had fun, didn’t we? That’s the problem. It’s horrible, it’s sickening, and just when you think you can’t take anymore, it gets fun. The US government really knows its stuff, yeah? Something in you just falls away and it gets fun. There’s a high, it’s good, it’s so good, which is what I want to remind you of, how good it can get. You think about that, okay? I’m thinking about it ‘cause I’m rusty, I’m sober. This is gonna be bad for me for a while but I’m gonna push through the horrible and the sickening and then something’s gonna fall away and I’m gonna start enjoying myself. And we both know what an artist I can be. Like any junkie, I’m gonna enjoy the high for as long as I can, okay? You ready, old friend?

Charlie, you make a beautiful noise. They did, you know, take stuff from me, the US government. After I started not being able to sleep, after I started crying after I wrapped a guy in plastic, they put me in a hole nobody wants to be in. And I don’t mean a metaphorical hole. I mean an actual hole. They took stuff from me, Charlie, so much stuff that I was homeless on the subway, begging for change when Liv found me, which is why I’m breaking my sobriety, because she asked me, okay? And I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that I owe her. So I’m not gonna stop until you tell me where Amanda is. You get that?

(via amuzed1)